Why didn't anybody tell me?

Apologies for the radio silence of late, Gray DJ has teeth coming out of everywhere and sleep has gone well and truly out the window. To add to it all it was C’s Dad’s first anniversary, I still can’t believe the big dog is gone and it just doesn’t get any easier.

So back to the basics. We went to antenatal classes, learned all about what was to come during labor, we packed our hospital bag and we were good to go. All sorted got released from hospital we got home with our little boy for the first time and we just looked at each other and said “what do we do now “. Why does nobody prepare you for the dramatic lack of sleep. I remember people telling me before Gray arrived enjoy your sleep now as things are about to change and I just laughed it off. Oh, what a fool I was. Most nights we might get 2 or 3 hours sleep and it really does take its toll on your body and mind. I play golf every Sunday morning and for weeks I would rock up looking like I was awake but I was a million miles away dreaming of big fluffy clouds that I could just have a little nap on. Needless to say, my standard of golf was rubbish but I was just happy to be out in the fresh air. I did consider more than once just driving to the golf course and going to sleep in the back of the car for four hours. We really did walk around like two zombies for months and I personally really struggled with the lack of sleep.  

Let’s discuss the shit bomb as I like to call it.  This is where the poo escapes the nappy and ends up half way up Gray’s back or sometimes it comes out the side of the nappy and the poo is down his leg. We were in the doctor’s office when he was only a few weeks old and decided to leave him in the car seat as we would be quick. He was wearing a romper as it was a lovely day and out of the corner of my eye I see a look of terror on C’s face as she gives me the eye to look down. I look towards the car seat and I see this poo flowing out the side of Gray’s nappy and down his leg. Then like a thunder bolt… The smell… Say no more. Q outfit and nappy change in the doctor’s office. I couldn’t help feel bad for the person in after us. While I am talking about endless shit bombs, let’s talk about vests… Why does nobody tell you to buy 9000 vests? I remember my wife telling me early on about the two slits at the top of the vest. If a shit bomb occurred do not pull that vest up over Gray’s head, the two slits are for pulling the vest down in these times of utter chaos. To date I have discarded 4312 vests but who is counting. I tried my best to save those vests but there was nothing I could do.

We were told leaving the hospital Gray would need to feed every 3 hours. Did nobody think to tell me it was going to take a cycle of two hours to feed, change and wind Gray. That left an hour to sleep then the process would start all over again. By sleep I mean he was sleeping, I was busy with the Vanish trying to save the poor little vests. Post 5 – there is trouble ahead…

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